Tattoo and The Lesson Learned

Tattoos teach you how to appreciate a process and learn to enjoy a journey even when you do not understand it.

According to Wikipedia, a tattoo is a form of body modification made by inserting ink, dyes, and/or pigments, either indelible or temporary, into the dermis layer of the skin to form a design. Tattoos comprise three broad categories: purely decorative (with no specific meaning), symbolic (with a specific meaning pertinent to the wearer), and pictorial (a depiction of a specific person or item).

I never thought I would have one in my body. However, I have been waiting for this tattoo for around five years and that’s also how long it takes for me to decide whether I wanna get it or not, where I’m going to have it, the placement, and other considerations that I have to choose not only correctly but also wisely.

I think… I manifested it. A year ago I told my best friend that I was going to use my first paycheck to make a tattoo. Well, it ended up not exactly my first paycheck, more like my first 13th month’s pay.

Anyway, I decided to have mine this early May 2022. I contacted one of the well-known tattoo artists in Yogyakarta. Many of my friends made tattoos in this place names Petrichor (I know this place since I was in college). Another consideration was that one of the tattoo artists is a female tattoo artist, her name is Anneke Fitrianti. Anne has been the owner and tattooist at Petrichor for more than 13 years. Honestly, I never thought she would be the one who handled me. Anne is a friendly person. I enjoy our conversation during the tattoo process.

As I said, everything just happened that way. Deciding to have a tattoo was not an easy decision to make. So when my gut finally said it, it just happened. I contacted the admin. Then she gave me the price list. We had a short discussion about the terms and conditions as well as discussing the design. Sent a down payment so she could book me an appointment slot and when she sent me the booking confirmation, turned out she picked Anne as my tattoo artist.

The Design

A tattoo for me is like a commitment. Commitment is something I am not always good at. So when it comes to choosing the design, I have to make sure I won’t regret it. Another consideration is that I do not want this to be just like some kind of the following trend. Nowadays so many people make tattoo because it looks good in term of fashion. I know that if I don’t do this wisely, I will regret the tattoo that is going to stuck with me for the rest of my life.

Traditionally, goldfish, particularly Koi, have been used as a symbol of good luck and good fortune. Several ancient stories and fairy tales also include stories of goldfish granting wishes or making dreams come true. In Chinese tradition, goldfish have an association with abundance. For me, my goldfish are representing myself and the people I love. They have had a significant impact on my life. The taught me many life lessons that I could never forget.

Goldfish bowls are often used in feng shui for abundance and prosperity purposes.

The Process

As I mentioned before, it took me five years to decide whether I truly want to have it or not and if yes where I’m going to have it, hows the placement, and other considerations that I have to think wisely.

And after careful consideration, I decided to have it in my upper left inside arm (in short: below the armpit), which many people said was the most painful place for a tattoo and I was indeed very brave to make my first tattoo in there.

I wasn’t a needy client either. Since this is my first tattoo, I let Anne do whatever she wants. From what kind of tattoo technic I preferred, the intensity of the color, and the placement of the goldfish. Everything goes smoothly and turn out very well, she didn’t fail me. I chose two goldfish as my first tattoo. Anne separates each goldfish and places them. The idea for the placement is the upper fish admiring the other fish which beautifully swimming.

The Meaning

Shortly after that, I had to catch my train back to Jakarta, and when I got to the office the next day the others were no less excited about this tattoo. Maybe because this is the first time there’s a person who celebrates Hari Raya with a new tattoo instead of new clothes.

The question that of course, everyone asked, “What is the meaning of the tattoo?”. I do not want to explain the meaning of it. Not because I want to make it a secret, but because I do not think everyone will easily understand it. What I can tell you about it is that this tattoo is a sign that reminds me of the process that I have been through in my life. Let me sum it up in a few points:

1. It took me five years to think about whether I am going to have it or not and the right design. I guess it is the same as what we are going through in life, everything is in process. To get to the thing that you want, you have to go through a process. There are steps that you will need to go through before you get to where/what you wanted. It is not always an easy one and we sometimes make bad decisions. No matter how hard, weird, or devastating it is, we need to always try to trust the journey even if we do not understand it.
2. I am an overthinking person, sometimes. There was a time when I got nervous about my tattoo. Will it be okay? What my life will be like now? What happens next? Having this tattoo taught me about commitment. You can not change the past. All you can do is learn how to accept it. The grief, the shame, the regrets. It is a heavy rock I carry around. Therefore, I learned to love my rock. Instead of weighing me down, it made me stronger. (My tips when you are overthinking: Go outside or look up to the sky. Take a moment to breathe in and breathe out. This way, you give yourself permission to feel whatever feelings live below the triggers and are present at the moment).
3. The tattoo-making process doesn’t just stop when the tattooist finishes drawing. There is the aftercare process that you need to extra pay attention to. You have to keep your new tattoo away from water for some time, with no direct sunlight, and try your best not to scratch it. This reminds me that the healing process is not easy, it might be ugly as hell. It is like waves, some of the waves will hit the rocks and some of them softly merge into sands. The process is going to be triggering and intense. Processing your trauma often means you have to alleviate it which is not going to be easy but it is always worth it.
4. During the tattooing process, every time the needle touched my skin, there was a short ticklish feeling and sometimes there was a pain too. But the pain quickly disappears, either because you somehow get used to it or because it only appeared for a period of time. This reminds us that nothing is forever, including pain. Pain is temporary. And sometimes how it can be temporary depends on ourselves. Closure is not something you get from them, it is something you give yourself. It won’t be always easy to forgive, but forgiveness is for us not for the other person. Does forgiveness mean we forget about it? No. Forgiveness does not erase the past, it makes us see the past with compassion. If you keep holding on to the pain and the resentment, you will suffer because the sorrow is intensified and you are keeping it alive. Do not hate the person who hurt you, do not let what they did change you. Everyone has their sh*t to deal with. What others say and do is a projection of themselves, their own reality, and their own dream.
5. You can still love someone and let them go. Loving someone is not always about holding onto them. Sounds weird right? So whatever scenarios you are creating in your mind, let it go. When there is a thing that you can't control, let it go. People come and go, if they want to stay, they will stay. Sometimes you do not realize that you love something and it is bad for you and you hate a thing and turns out it is good for you. You can love them, but let them love their choice.

In the end, it turned out beautifully amazing. Exactly just like what I wanted. I had mixed feelings; excited, sad, happy, and proud. It is like having a pet that you need to take care of.

Do I have any concern with other opinions with me-having-tattoo?

I believe my potentiality and my quality as an individual speak themselves and have nothing to do with my tattoos. Once you get to know me, and who I really am, you’ll know my personality. I am also grateful to have a place to work where I can be myself. Being seen and appraise truly because of my performance.

Although in some countries, tattoo is still misinterpreted as bad or promoting thuggery, it is actually just art. It’s a way for a person to express themself. You will always find interesting, inspiring stories and points of view from someone with tattoos. And believe me, their stories are always interesting to hear.

So here’s the story about my tattoo journey. In spite of the setbacks I experience in my life, I still manage to be grateful and enjoy the things I have right now. You see, in life, we will always find a point where we have to make hard decisions. Also sometimes this decision takes you on a whole different journey. You will find it hard and easy, then hard again and easy again. But you learn, and you get back up and emerge as a new person.